


Manon Has a Baby

by Demi_Fae_Jedi



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: 5 parts, Crack, F/M, Funny, Not to be taken seriously, Or not, basically manon has a baby, enjoy, i just wanted to write more, i really hope you think my this is as funny as i do haha, it all sorts a crazy, manon swears way too much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19388926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_Fae_Jedi/pseuds/Demi_Fae_Jedi
Summary: This is a five-part story of Manon giving birth to her and Dorian's child. It's not supposed to be taken too seriously, but it is meant to make you laugh so... haha... hehe... hoho.





	1. Here Goes Something

Manon wandered around the palace, bored out of her mind. Dorian and the others were gone, going on some important economic job. Only Yrene and Chaol were there with their baby, Chaol having some time off. 

But Manon didn’t want to disturb them. 

The problem was, Manon was eight months into her own pregnancy, and she had nothing to do. Yrene continued to urge her to stay in bed, but she felt fine. 

The Queen, Manon’s mother-in-law, was avoiding her as much as she could. But Manon knew no doubt that when the baby came the Queen would swoop into her Grandmother job. Manon was not happy about that. It was something she and Dorian would argue about at night in bed. But she had no family left to be a grandmotherly figure to the child. 

Manon wandered into the kitchen where she planned to get a drink. But by the time she got there, she stopped suddenly, and groaned, placing a hand on her stomach. 

What the hell was that? She thought. It didn’t feel like a kick, it felt like a- 

“Fuck!” Manon screamed, collapsing to the floor. Unfortunately, nobody was around to hear her. She took a few deep breaths before getting on her feet. 

Manon hobbled her way down the hall, up to the stair, and to Chaol and Yrene’s room. 

She winced as she knocked on the door, the hand on her stomach getting coated in blue witch blood. 

Chaol opened the door just as Manon screamed again, “Fuck! Dammit!” 

“Shh,” Chaol said. “Our baby is trying to sleep.” 

“Well, my baby is trying to get out of me.” Manon pointed to her stomach. 

“What?” Yrene said, placing her child in its cradle. She went over and look at Manon. “Oh, we need to get you to a bed.” 

She helped Manon lay down on the nearest bed, which happened to be Chaol and Yrene’s. Blood was pouring out of Manon’s cunt and her stomach was pounding. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” Yrene muttered. 

“Of course you haven’t,” Manon said through her teeth. “I’m a fucking witch.” 

“Chaol, go get Manon some water.” 

“I don’t need water.” 

“It’s just so you don’t overheat. Hold on,” Yrene put her hands on Manon’s stomach and pushed down. Manon screamed bloody murder. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” 

“The baby is tearing you apart from the inside,” Yrene confirmed. She went to her healing supplies and pulled out a strap, then tied it tightly around Manon’s abdomen. “That should keep it from moving around too much.” 

“Moving around too much?! It wants to get out!” Manon shouted. 

Chaol handed Manon the glass of water and she drank it down. 

Suddenly, Manon felt extremely tired. But she couldn’t tell why. Her angry expression changed to dazed. She looked at Chaol and Yrene standing beside her, her eyes narrowing as she asked: “Dorian wants a girl.” 

Yrene smiled sweetly and sat down on the bed. “I know. You want a girl too, right?” 

“Yeah,” Manon nodded, giggling, completely forgetting she was in pain and slowly being killed. “We don’t have a name yet.” 

“Want to think of some together?” 

Manon nodded enthusiastically. 

Yrene got up and pulled Chaol aside. 

"Why don’t we give her that stuff all the time?” He asked. 

She ignored his question by asking. “How fast can Dorian get here?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know specifically where he is or how to find him.” 

“Then learn,” Yrene ordered her husband. “Look, Manon’s baby is coming in one way or another and I want Dorian to keep her calm. She’s going to be asking about him soon.”

“What are you two talking about?” Manon asked from the bed. 

“Nothing,” Yrene called to her. “Just about… uh… grapes…” 

Manon nodded. “Hm, I like talking about grapes too. Maybe I should name her Grapes.” 

Yrene turned back to Chaol. “Yeah, she’s out of it. Go get Dorian as fast as you can, please. I’ll try and make sure Manon’s comfortable and… you know, alive… until you get back.” 

Chaol looked at his wife like she was crazy, but he left the room hopefully ready to look for Dorian and find him before Manon’s baby popped her open. 


	2. Now We Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manon continues to freak out and Elide shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you all so much for the kudos! But as I write this I realize it's more sad than funny, either that or I just have a strange sense of humor. Idk, let me know what you think.

Yrene went back to tending to Manon, talking about the most nonsensical things.

“What about the name Blueberry?” Manon continued to suggest silly baby names. “It makes sense. I mean, their blood is blue, and they’re about the size of a berry.” 

“Manon, why do you want to name your baby after a fruit?” Yrene asked. 

Manon shrugged. "I don't know. I think I'm hungry. I should get something to eat." She started to get up, but Yrene held her down. 

"No, no, " Yrene said frantically. "You can't get up." 

Manon's eyebrows knitted. "Why not?" 

"Because you must rest, and you can't eat either. But I can get you more water." 

Manon nodded. "Oh, okay." 

Yrene got Manon another glass of water. It had only been half an hour since Chaol had left to find Dorian, and Yrene was worried Manon would get impatient.

So far the baby seemed okay. It hadn't been hurting Manon much, but it was restless. 

"Do you think she'll have Dorian's or my eyes?" The witch asked as Yrene handed her the water. 

"I don't know, " Yrene told her. "What do you think?" 

Manon tipped her head back and shut her eyes. "I want her to have Dorian's eyes and my hair. So she'll be a little moon baby… moon baby…" 

Yrene realized Manon was about to fall asleep, so she shook her shoulders. "Manon, you need to wake up."

Manon's eyes fluttered open. "Huh?" She looked around. "I just had the strangest dream. I was pregnant with Dorian's child and I was in labor." Before Yrene could say anything she looked down at her stomach and screamed.

"Drink the water, " Yrene commanded. 

In a panic, Manon drank her cup of water and her eyes widened. After a moment, she said, "You know what I like about Dorian? His smile. I don't like to smile. But I like Dorian's smile. Where is Dorian?" 

"He'll be here very soon, " Yrene told her. Though it was a lie. She didn't know how long it would take for Dorian to get there. But she did know that Manon didn’t have much time. At some point the baby would want to come out one way or another, and it would not be pretty. But Manon was in pain. Yrene had to make sure she was okay. 

Manon sighed in relief. “That’s good, because I have a weird feeling between my legs. I want him to-” 

“Hold on,” Yrene interrupted and observed the blood on Manon’s pants. She couldn’t tell if it was Manon’s or the babies. The little witchling must have moved when Manon tried to get up. “Manon can you try pushing for me.” Manon studies her hands. “No-, like… Like your trying to use the bathroom.” 

“But I might poop on my baby,” Manon said. 

“Well, more like poop out your baby,” Yrene muttered. 

Manon took a breath and tensed up while making a struggling sound. 

Then she stopped and gasped. “I felt something. I can feel something moving. I don’t like it.” 

“Just try and relax,” Yrene told her. “Jeez, I really wish I had some help.” 

As if on queue, Elide ran into the room. “I heard Manon was in labor.” 

“I’m in labor?!” Manon screamed. 

“Manon calm down. Drink some more water. Elide, go comfort her.” Yrene said.

Elide sat down by Manon’s side and held her hand. Manon looked at Elide dreamily, which had taken Elide back a bit. 

“Are you okay?” Elide asked her friend. 

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m just waiting for Dorian to get back from the store.” 

Elide slowly turn towards Yrene and mouthed,  _ What did you tell her? _

_ I didn’t tell her anything.  _ Yrene mouthed back. 

_ Where is Dorian? _

_ I don’t know. _

Elide’s eye widened, but she smiled when she turned back to Manon. “I’m sure Dorian will be here soon.” 

He was eight towns away. 


End file.
